In my opinion, the quick answer to this question is yes, absolutely, 100%! Let me explain how.
As a Wedding Coordinator, my greatest fear is witnessing a bride or groom merely going through the motions on their wedding day. While many believe it won't happen to them, there are couples who inevitably find themselves in this situation, feeling devastated as their wedding day falls short of their dreams.
For those who aren't planners themselves, planning your own wedding can be incredibly intimidating, overwhelming and frankly, it can feel absolutely life sucking for some couples; it can be unnerving to know where to start and how to tackle all the needs a wedding requires. So, as everyone is well aware, full service wedding planners and coordinators are readily available to walk couples through their wedding planning journey, providing guidance and a sense of ease along the way. What an absolute gift for couples who need this help!
However, whether you are utilizing a full service wedding planner, coordinator or a bride is leading out on all the wedding planning herself, I strongly encourage both the bride and groom to make sure you are both equally a part of the vision and decisions in all personal wedding details. It can be easy to take a step back and allow a planner (or even a bride herself!) to just take the lead and check all the "wedding to-do's" themselves. However, when the reins are passed off and a bride and/or groom are less than 50% involved in their wedding day decisions, in my opinion, this is where the marriage defining window of opportunity can so quickly pass a couple by.
Ridiculous, you say? Well, this is all absolutely MY OPINION so take it for what it's worth, but I personally believe that couples who are both participants in the wedding planning process (not just a bride or groom (or planner!) checking all the boxes themselves) will grow closer together throughout the process, further defining their strengths and weaknesses as a couple, how they communicate (and maybe where they need to work on this), their trust in one another, what roles they carry, how you make decisions, their commitment to truly partner together and the vision and value you both hold in regards to what a marriage truly is. Planning a wedding is an incredible opportunity for couples to see the rhythm of their relationship unfold, thus strengthening their relationship. I mean after all, choosing to get married is a lifelong commitment by both the bride and groom to stand beside one another through all life has to offer...shouldn't that start with the very preparations of their wedding day?
I may be going against the stream here, but marriage is not just the next step in a long term relationship. It shouldn't just be founded on a wedding day celebration where you blow it up big to have a glamorous party for everyone to remember. In my opinion, a wedding should be a reflection of your devotion and love to your spouse, showcasing what it is you value and love about one another and how you are committing to mold together as one in order to nourish and lift each other up to be exactly what God created each of you to be. Planning your wedding day together will continue to build the pillars of foundation that will inevitably strengthen your relationship.
I mean think about it...when you (as a couple) need to make a decision, how much closer do you feel to one another when you have a conversation, both share your thoughts and work through to a decision together? Sure, maybe the discussion led to differing opinions, maybe even some tension, but when you continue to communicate and come to a conclusion together, don't you feel more connected?
Now, hear me out, most grooms don't want to be a part of every wedding planning decision, and I think that's just fine. However, I strongly believe that at least a 50% involvement is very important. So, lean into your fiances gifts and allow them to find ways to enjoy helping plan for your wedding together. If they love music, let them help find the DJ and lead out on this huge task. If they love food, let them participate in every food tasting and help choose a meal that they will be excited about on your wedding day. If they are great with words, ask them for help in preparing more personalized vows or choosing specific readings/poems for your ceremony. There are many different ways to get couples fully involved in their wedding day, it just might take a little more effort on the front end to iron out what wedding decisions and needs mesh with a bride and/or grooms gifts. I encourage you to take the time to figure this out. A bride and groom both should feel great connection and excitement behind their wedding day unfolding, especially when they get to see what they've prepared for come to life.
If you take only one thing from this post, I just encourage you not to miss out on rooting yourselves deeper as a couple by wrestling through at least some of the wedding day details and decisions together. There is so much value and depth found in difficult conversations and decision making. By making intentional effort to work together through at least the majority of the wedding day details, you are setting a strong foundation for your marriage that will become increasingly effortless over time. And as any couple can attest, having a strong foundation for your marriage to fall back on will be key during the hard times that will inevitably rear their head.
Lean into each others God given gifts and talents and pursue your marriage well before the wedding day has come and gone...it will pay off dividends.
One final note: For the couple who needs help in planning their wedding, but the budget is very tight and a full service wedding planner isn't an option, I'd love to help you get started, with no strings attached! The wedding preparations should never overshadow the excitement of engagement for a bride or groom. If this speaks to you, then be sure to access my Complete Wedding Planning Checklist for FREE and find all you need to know in planning your wedding from start to end, all in one complete list. I have done the heavy lifting for you and want nothing more than for this complete checklist to provide a sense of ease when working through the details. Cheers!
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